8 Things
by timelord-at-221B-fleetstreet
Summary: Larxene decides to do a rant on Axel, similar to Marluxia's Status. Planning on making it a sort of series!;


Hey there! This is Larxene! Since everyone seemed to enjoy my previous rant on Marluxia, I decided to pick a new victim for my gay rants.

And the latest victim is... Axel!

So relax and listen closely, or the last thing you'll hear is my knife, scratching your ear off.

Okay? :)

Anyway-

Reason I

Most of you guys look at Axel and Roxas' relationship really cute and sweet.

Ahh, good friends! Having ice cream alone when they should be applying themselves out on field.

But really, they cutsie wootsie relationship should be R rated.

Well, I'm not going to go too deep into that one time-but I'll break it down for you!

Ok-Axel gives Roxas everyday. Mind you, he buys Roxas' favorite ALWAYS. Then he takes him up to a private clock tower he found and stays there with him until the sun sets.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY ARE DOING UP THERE? HAVING PLEASANT CONVERSATION ABOUT THE SUN SET?

I think not, my dear naïve friend. Correction, I know not, sadly.

Reason II

I included this in my last rant, and I'll include it again for purposes I don't have to share.

His title. Have you heard it?

It's Flurry of the Dancing Flames.

I repeat for those who are slow: FLURRY. OF. THE. DANCING. FLAMES!

Flurry

1.  
a light, brief shower of snow.

2.  
sudden commotion, excitement, or confusion; nervous hurry: There was a flurry of activity before the guests arrived.

3.  
a sudden gust of wind.

Dancing

1.  
to move one's feet or body, or both, rhythmically in a pattern of steps, especially to the accompaniment of music.

2.  
to leap, skip, etc., as from excitement or emotion; move nimbly or quickly: to dance with joy.

3.  
to bob up and down.

Flames

Okay, if you don't know what flames are, you're an idiot.

Put it all together and you get Fast Movements of Dancing Gays.

Hey, I'm not exaggerating! That the literal definition! Trust me, I looked it up in a dictionary. Yes I wrote word from word in a dictionary! Go look it up yourself of you don't believe me!

Pfft, Xemnas is the next on my hit list for these names.

Reason III

He wears make up.

Not a small amount like normal anime characters. It's actually too much in my opinion.

I'd you can't think what his make up looks like off the top of your head you're once again an idiot.

Anyways, he has what you guys would call 'cat eyes' or I've actually heard 'angel wings'. O.O

Then, to top it all off, he has purple upside down tears streaming down his face. To represent his lack of heart.

Pfft faggot.

Reason IV

He borrows my eyeliner. Yes I have eyeliner, duh!

And he doesn't even ask me! Like I wouldn't lend out my eyeliner. Maybe (?)

You have no idea how many times I have woken up and couldn't find my eyeliner, then go to the Grey Area and he just handed it back to me.

I-I don't-want-to-ugh! I hate what my life has come to.

Reason V

Because I said so.

And I'm always right.

Never question that state of fact.

Otherwise, I trust you will deeply regret it.

Reason VI

Have you seen his ever so famous Organization XIII coat? That evidence is about the most solid thing I got in my supply of evidence.

At this point, you Larxel fans with yell at the computer/iSomething device screaming, "HE JUST GOT THAT COAT! IT ISN'T HIS FAULT!"

Ah, but that's where you're wrong. You see, the cloak you are presented in Xemnas' classic yet utterly boring style.

You can't see this, but on the inside, there is strings and stuff like that where a Nobody may adjust their own coat the way that particular person, er-Nobody prefers it.

Now look at how he wears his. Closely.

Ok, not that close! Now stop blushing you idiotic fan girl!

It's tight everywhere! The guy even tightens his own sleeves that he'll wear for the rest of his time as a Nobody.

Not even I did that! And I'm a girl!

Am I the only one who is slightly disturbed with this?

Reason VII

His hairstyle.

In an investigation lead by moi, with the help of some of Vexen's experiment materials that I 'borrowed', I discovered some things about your legendary Sonic the Hedgehog.

In my results, I found that fans of the *cough* *cough* lame *cough* tv show that are over the age of 13 are gay.

I know for a fact that he is a fan. No, not just because of his hair, it, uh-came up in conversation.

Reason VIII

Okay, I know that this isn't long, but most of the things he does is very awful and quite disturbing, so consider me protecting you!

Anyways, Axel cried when Roxas faded away. Well, I know some of you people might not have seen the cutscene.

Don't worry! You can look it up! If you can figure out the title! MWAHAHAHA!

Well, as I was saying, in Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix, Roxas has a parting conversation with dear old Axel.

Now, we all know Axel and Roxas don't actually get to say their good-byes to each other before Roxas joins with Sora (now just for that I have to make a list for Roxas) but it's final mix, people!

Anything can happen! I can even come back from the dead to fight Sora one last time! Which did happen.

Anyways, right before he gets completely swallowed by the light of Sora, Roxas says, "Good-bye, Axel,"

And then Axel says with a great burden on his nonexistent heart, "So long, partner," and then he sheds a single tear after trying to cover it up earlier in the famous cutscene.

So many of you innocent human beings over look what Axel really said, "So long, PARTNER,"

Partner

1.  
a person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor; sharer; associate.

2.  
a husband or a wife; spouse.

3.  
to associate as a partner or partners with.

Well, that's some of the many definitions in our ever so famous dictionary quote by quote.

Let's just close this up as soon as possible before my head explodes. 


End file.
